It looks like you and your husband fell headlong into the neighbor's game of domination and control. She controlled your life even inside your own apartment. That's the power of exclusion that people use against "others." She accuses, you defend, she attacks, you defend. You never had control of the narrative. Your hapless husband relinquished that possibility when he answered her call for help even after this witch made it clear that neighborliness was not her goal. Her abuse of your child was over the top, and she needed a warning to never speak to your child again--from your White husband if necessary. What I found most disturbing, however, was this: "That's the problem with racists. They are so convinced that you are a certain way, and if you don't fit that narrative, they don't acknowledge that they may have judged you wrongly." Incorrect. The problem with racists is that they are racist. Anything else is justification or appeasement, which takes the onus off them and places it squarely on the shoulders of victims--to be more respectable, to seek to be better understood, to be more acceptable. No! Racists are not interested in understanding you. They seek to dominate and abuse, and the victims of their vitriol must self-protect and resist. Anything less will prove morally and psychologically lethal to racism's targets.